What's Justice Got to do With it?

I consider myself to be a strong, confident individual; this confidence has served me well in life. At my current job I'm one of the most trusted employee's. My thoughts and opinions regarding client relations is often sought. My strength and confidence are traits I learned later in life. As a teen and in early adulthood I was very shy and insecure. I spent many years afraid to really live my life; I was afraid to make my opinions known, join in conversation, invite others to do things with me. Basically, I was afraid of being rejected. I kept everyone at arms length because I didn't believe anyone could really like me. I thought if I got to close to people they'd realize I wasn't any fun and would stop wanting to spend time with me.

Over time, through a lot of work on my part and a lot of support from very loving friends I have learned to let that fear go... most of the time. These days I happen to believe I have a lot of value as a person. I know what my strengths are and seldom doubt my ability to accomplish things. Sometimes (when I get overwhelmed or try to take on too much at once) these fears come back to me. Recently I have been very busy. Work takes up my mornings, school and/or studying has my evenings occupied, and my "free time" has been taken up with upkeep on my car, getting my name- and all legal documents- changed (since I got married).

In the midst of all life's tasks I have recently started to let some of my fears and self doubts come through again. I don't believe I would ever let fear run my life to the same extent it once did, I can now recognize the signs when it starts to show through, I do what I can to deal with my fears and move on.

This weekend I ended up sitting at a coffee shop with my husband, crying because I didn't think I had any friend and I was sure no one liked me. The strange thing about all this is that my social calender has actually been quite full lately. Just recently I met up with an old friend from high school (we've kept in touch all these years but life has kept us from actually getting together), another friend from high school is making plans to have lunch with me next week. I spoke with two friends from Canada (whom I haven't seen since moving several years ago), and via facebook I was chatting with a friend from Uganda last week. Some of these conversations/get togethers I initiated and some of them were initiated by the other person but everyone has been happy to see/talk to me.

Through my conversation with Seth (my husband) I found out he has had many of the same fears and insecurities as I've had. I spent a lot of time trying to make myself invisible to avoid the possibility of being rejected, in contrast, Seth spent a lot of time joining in with every social group he could find to make sure at least one of them would accept him. My thinking was I couldn't be rejected if I didn't let anyone in and Seth's thought process was more along the lines of if he joins enough people at least one would have to like him. The reality is we are both pretty likeable people (I think I'm pretty fun to be around and I know Seth is a lot of fun). Seth is one of the my kind, loving, and inclusive people I know. He "doesn't have a mean bone in his body" to quote one of his friends.

I believe these types of insecurities and self doubts are pretty common to most people. We each have different reasons for our fears; a different history with different events that have caused us pain. And we each have our own way of dealing with it so we can live our lives, but these fears are lurking in one form or another, trying to drag us down.

So, what's justice got to do with it? We were all created for community (human interaction), for we were created in the image of God "Then God said 'Let Us make man in Our image, according to Our likeness'" (Gen. 1:26). Before the creation of man God was three in one, in perfect relational harmony. In our attempt to live out this relational harmony we get it wrong a lot. We hurt each other and these wounds cause doubts and fears to those with whom we're trying to relate.

Our attempt at relating to one another is so important to Christ he actually tells we are doing to Him the very things we do to one another. "I was a stranger and you invited me in... I was sick and you looked after me, I was in prison and you came to visit me" (Matthew 25:35b & 36b). This list of relational duties is noted alongside "For I was hungry and you gave me something to eat, I was thirsty and you gave me something to drink... I needed clothes and you clothed me." (Matthew 25:35a & 36a). We often think of "doing justice" as providing clothing, and food for the poor and I agree those tasks play a huge role in making a more just world but I don't think we can forget how important it is to have friends. Food, water, and shelter are not enough to create a fulfilled life. We need each other.

In my own life I've had to tell that voice inside me to "shut up" when it is convincing me I have no friends. I have the best friends in the entire world! To any of you who are reading this these fears come from some place inside of me, you are ALL amazing!! Knowing how debilitating it has been for me (in the past) when I let fear take control I also need to realize others may be dealing with the same issues. Since the conversation with my husband I've been focused on trying to reach out to friends from my past. If I've been feeling alone and insecure there is no reason to think other people haven't been feeling the same way.