What's Justice Got to do With it?

Recently, actress Kristen Bell (House of Lies) and her husband, actor Dax Shepherd (Parenthood) have garnered a lot of media attention for a campaign they've been calling the "No Kid Policy". They are stating the paparazzi should leave the children of celebrities alone and focus on the stars themselves. They aren't requesting privacy for themselves, acknowledging they've chosen a career path which puts them in the public eye. They've also acknowledged their support of the first amendment right: freedom of the press. The issue, according to both actors, is the privacy of children.

Freedom of the press protects the rights of media outlets to publish/seek information on public figures. While I don't agree with many of the methods used to acquire their information I can't say they are acting illegally by following public figures. The problem is the children in these circumstances have not sought fame; they were born to notable parents. It is hard to argue these kids as public figures when they themselves have done nothing to gain public attention: they aren't actors, musicians, politicians, criminals. Even if the kids did something to make them public figures we have to remember, at the end of the day, they are still children and deserve more protection than fully informed adults.

A few years ago my family temporarily came into the public eye. We were the victims of a violent crime which gained a lot of attention from local news outlets. The person responsible for the crime was very young (12) and due to his status as a minor the news was prohibited (legally) from releasing his name or showing his image. Though he had acted violently and illegally he was entitled to anonymity due to his age. Two of the victims in my family were younger than the offender (9 and 5), their names were published almost immediately. It's sad to think a young offender receives more legal protection than children who accidentally find themselves in the limelight.

The problem is further complicated when we realize how aggressive and invasive the paparazzi can get. We aren't talking about someone, from a distance, snapping a quick photo or asking permission to snap a picture. The paparazzi are stalking their subjects, waiting for the most interesting photo op; they get very much in peoples faces. I have an issue with their level of aggression towards adult celebrities so when I think about this happening to children (who didn't seek the attention) it makes me very uneasy.

So what's justice got to do with it? This is a justice issue because it makes it difficult to teach celebrity kids basic principles of safety. People spend a lot of time teaching their kids how to stay safe. One of the most common messages: don't talk to strangers. How are famous people supposed to teach their children which strangers are dangerous and which are merely annoying? Are they supposed to tell their children the strangers with camera's are annoying but safe? That message could easily be taken advantage of by pedophiles and pornographers with cameras. On the flip side, if the are told to be fearful of all strangers these kids will spend their entire childhood in fear because they are being stalked by strangers with cameras who are generally safe though invasive. It isn't fair to give a child reason to live in that level of terror. And honestly, in what scenario is it acceptable for children (any children) to be followed around by adult strangers?

We have more power here than you might think. The paparazzi are not "employed" by the magazines; they're working freelance. The magazines buy photo's of celebrity kids because they believe consumers want to see these pics. If we, as consumers, refuse to buy pictures of kids (accept from agreed upon photo shoots) the magazines will stop purchasing the pictures. If the magazines don't buy the pictures the paparazzi will stop following kids around. They are doing this as a business endeavor, not a hobby. Any time business is unprofitable people start thinking of new business ideas. I. personally, think we should take it one step further and demand less aggressive ways of gaining info of the adult celebrities as well, but that is a separate issue for a different time.

So, to that end, these are the outlets (to my knowledge) who've agreed to stop buying pictures of kids: E! Entertainment, The Today Show, JustJared.com, People magazine, Perez Hilton. I'd also like to note that I believe Soap Opera Digest does not use any paparazzi images, all pictures I've seen in their magazine are from mutually agreed upon photo shoots, red carpet events, or were shared by the soap stars themselves. They've also been known to sit on juicy information until the stars were ready to give an interview. Those of us who can't wait to learn more about the personal lives of those we see daily on television do have ethical ways to gain this information. We can seek out magazines, like Soap Opera Digest, who do interviews when the celebrity wants to share information, their are many talk shows to choose from, following our favorite stars on twitter is another way to ensure we stay up to date on the latest info the star is wanting to make public.

I'm taking a break from the social justice theme to with my husband a happy 32 birthday! Seth, I hope your day is amazing! I can't wait to celebrate with you at the hockey game tonight. I kinda messed up your cake (left out a key ingredient and didn't realize it until it had already been baking for a while) so I'll bake you a new cake tomorrow. At least you have a day off from work so we can enjoy your day together. I love you!

Hello readers,

I've been using this blog for a few years now and will continue to do so but I've decided to start blogging somewhere else as well. I have a passion for social justice issues but I've also got a passion for mental health awareness. I want both subjects to get the attention they deserve so I thought they should each receive their own page. My new blog can be found here. end-the-stigma.blogspot.com

My first couple of posts at the new blog will probably be information I've already posted here. They are posts about my own diagnoses of bipolar disorder. Once those posts have been moved I will be updating both this blog and that one with new information and posts.

I hope you'll continue to read here but will also check out my new blog!

About three and a half years ago I was told I have bipolar disorder. I wrote a blog shortly after being diagnosed and I think I'm finally ready to write a new one. I'm writing this for a couple of reasons. First, if anyone reading this has been wondering about their own mental state this might help them see the difference between "mood swings" and being a moody person. The second reason is because I want to remind myself what I went through. It is a constant struggle to keep myself healthy enough to (hopefully) prevent another mood swing. I don't always want to go to bed early, eat the right food- the junk just tastes so much better- or exercise (I'll admit I slack on this one a lot). Sometimes I wonder if the doctor may have been wrong, I tend to be pretty normal most of the time.

I've always been pretty emotional. I several times throughout my life when I've spent large portions of several days crying. Usually there is a reason for the crying but its always been pretty disproportionate to how upset I've been. If I had to guess I'd say a couple times per year I spend about a week, sometimes longer, crying daily without really being able to vocalize what I'm so upset about. These crying fits happen (generally) during high stress times in my life; the higher the stress level the longer they last. There have been times I remember being mistreated because of the bad days. People thought I was being over dramatic to get attention so they ignored me or told me to stop acting that way. Looking back I'm not sure if they actually did mistreat me or if I thought they were because I couldn't clear my head. I don't think my perception was always accurate during these times.

On the flip side, there have been other times in my life when I haven't felt so depressed. During these times my mind has been racing, I have a million thoughts going on in my head and have trouble deciding which thought to focus on. During these times I start a lot of projects: writing a book, writing several blog posts, buying sketch pads to start drawing cartoons. I've thought about starting other projects: building doll houses, writing a screenplay, pastoring my own church. The problem with all the thoughts is I'm never able to finish any of my projects. During days like these I've have the attention span of a gnat, five minutes into one project I'm ready to move on to the next. I also have trouble focusing on other people. I can't decide which of my own thoughts to focus on and hearing other people talk feels like an even further distraction. I get frustrated with people trying to make conversation with me or trying to have conversations with others in my hearing distance.

All of the previously mentioned ideas are pretty harmless and if I could bring myself to finish one I think it would be awesome but I've also had some other ideas I've (luckily) never acted on because they wouldn't be so harmless. About every two-three years of my adult life I've seriously considered quitting my job, buying and RV and traveling around the country. If not at RV the thought has been to buy a house boat (I love water!). At other times the plan has been to move to New York or California to become a successful screen writer because the reason that career path didn't pan out is my location.

Just before being told I was bipolar (and taking some medication) I actually came pretty close to buying an RV. I'd found a few on Craigslist that were within my price range if I completely drained my life's savings. Thankfully I didn't do that or I'd have an RV and no money right now. A few other things happened around that same time, the biggest issue being I started to believe some of my closest friends were talking about me behind my back, conspiring against me. I thought my, at the time, roommate was the leader of this conspiracy although she'd never actually done anything malicious or harmful to me (or anyone else, I'm sure!) My life felt like it was spiraling out of control, I couldn't concentrate at work I had trouble dragging myself out of bed in the mornings. I had trouble communicating, I would give half thoughts and get frustrated that others weren't following what I was saying; I thought I was speaking clearly and thoroughly. I was pretty perceptive to voice tone and facial expressions so although my friends never told me I was 'crazy' they were concerned and I could tell they thought something was wrong. Instead of taking the concern as a sign see a doctor I took it as a sign that they were conspiring against me.

What's justice got to do with it? In my opinion it is very important for all of us to have trusted friends and family to bounce ideas off of. Unfortunately, there is a large stigma associated with mental illness. It can be difficult for people to seek help because they don't want to be labeled as crazy. It can also be difficult, was a person has been diagnosed, to tell friends and family. When events that feel very large are being kept a secret it is difficult to get close to people. No one should have to struggle in secret when there is a large world filled with people who could offer support.

We've got to make mental illness an acceptable topic of conversation. I have an excellent group of supportive friends. People I can talk to and seek opinions as to what goals seem worth while and what goals might be a little too much to take on at once. If with my amazing group of friends I've had trouble writing this blog. Partly because it's still hard for me to clearly 'vocalize' what life has been like for me; reading through this post I still think I've given my readers barely a glimpse into my life. And partly because I'm not sure who might read this, friends who may not have already heard my story before and I don't know what anyone will think if they aren't already part of the inner circle of friends who talked me through the early stages of diagnosis.

This week we are beginning the Lent season. Many people use Lent as a season to give something up for God. I support this tradition but I sometimes find it a little lacking in meaning. I should start by informing everyone I am not Catholic therefore my understanding could be a little bit lacking. If any Catholic friends are reading this please feel free to weigh in and clarify any points I may be getting wrong.

I know a lot of people who seem to give something up just for the sake of giving something up. It seems to be a way of proving God is the most important because they can live without some other favorite thing for forty days. While I do think its great to actively pursue God and to do so (sometimes) to the extend of sacrifice in other areas I also think there has to be more to it than this. If we spend our lives putting something else ahead of God it is not enough to give it up for forty days just to return to our old ways after Easter.

God already knows our hearts so He doesn't really need us to prove anything to Him. I believe His desire for our lives is to be living for Him always. If we are giving something up for Lent because this thing has taken the place of God in our lives we probably need to be giving it up a lot longer than forty days.

Anything we do for Lent, in my opinion, should be a way for us to kick start a more just and faithful lifestyle. I believe forty days to be an excellent trial run. Forty days is more than enough time to develop a new habit. Forty days is also enough time to do something "in the extreme" while thinking/praying about realistic goals for the remainder of ones life.

I believe I'm going to use this Lent season to focus on the best eating/sleep/exercise routine to keep me healthy. As someone living with bipolar disorder I am constantly aware I could slip into another mood swing. A physically healthy lifestyle is one way to help (not a replacement for medication or therapy) keep myself mentally healthy. My health is too important to ignore and the forty days of Lent is a perfect time to put a concentrated effort into focusing on how to keep myself healthy.

What are you going to do for Lent this year?

This post is a follow up to my last one, if you haven't read it yet it can be found here.

Okay, now you're all caught up I'll start my next post. My point with the last post was NOT to bash extroverts. Some of my best friends are extroverts and I can't imagine my life without them. The ability to walk into a room and instantly make friends is something to be celebrated. That quality helps many people (even us introverts) feel at ease in new situations.

My purpose in this blog is to suggest that we introverts also have a lot to contribute in both social settings and in leadership opportunities. We, introverts and extroverts, can work together as a team to fill in the gaps with our respective strengths as long as we both acknowledge the other as possessing strengths different from our own.

There is a book called "Introverts in the Church: Finding Our Place in an Extroverted Culture", I haven't read it yet (its on my list!) but have heard good things and am going to include some quotes in this post. I'm told his book is a must read for, well, introverts in the church. For those who have been told they don't have the right personality for leadership, have believed they don't have the right personality for leadership, or have ever felt they needed to learn to be more extroverted to better fit with the culture it's important to learn these things are not true. Cast away fears and insecurities, learn what makes you "tick" and learn how to flourish as YOU!

We don't need to become more extroverted to be better leaders but those of us who have let fear hold us back do need to learn to push past that fear! I - for a LOT of years - was ruled by fear. I was ruled by the fear that I wasn't good enough, I wasn't worth people's time, I had the "wrong" personality. I spent a lot of time trying to make myself an extrovert. It didn't work, the result was I was being fake with people and I'm sure they could tell! Also, I wore myself out because I thought needing time to myself was a weakness.

So to those of you who have felt out of place, as I have, please check out these quotes from Adam S. McHugh.

"Introverted seekers need introverted evangelists. It's not that extroverts can't communicate the gospel, either verbally or non verbally, in ways introverts find appealing, it's that introverted seekers need to know and see that it's possible to lead the Christian life as themselves. It's imperative for them to understand that becoming a Christian is not tantamount with becoming an extrovert."

"Let God make you fully you. Rejoice in your God-given temperament and use it for God's purposes. This point cannot be emphasized enough. We must be authentic. If we try to be someone we are not, people will see it instantly."

This post was written mostly for the introverts reading it. I want you to feel comfortable in your own skin. Step out and start taking on leadership roles, let your personality shape the form those roles take. But, to you extroverts reading, if you ever have doubted the abilities of your introverted friends please use this as a guide to help encourage the introverts in your life; they can be who they are AND step out in service to God!

Most of my life I've been told I'm too quiet, shy, and introverted. Throughout my high school years I can admit I was too shy. I was shy to the point of being afraid to live. I was afraid to share my opinion, in case someone disagreed with me (didn't want to give people reasons not to like me). I hated being the focus of attention, in case someone thought I said or did something silly (didn't want to give people reasons to laugh at me). In a lot of ways these insecurities are a large part of going to high school, it is a natural stage in life to want to fit in. I took this stage to an extreme though, and it carried on into early adulthood. I was probably bordering on a little social anxiety.

In high school I remember one of my leaders telling me I needed to learn not to be so introverted. These are words I've been told many times since then. As a high school kid I took her words to heart and told myself I needed to be more of an extrovert, the problem was I didn't know how to be less introverted. I spent a lot of time envying my more extroverted friends because that is what I was told I should be.

Throughout early adulthood I've had other well intentioned friends and leaders give me the same advice. One of my leaders would point out extroverted mutual friends and tell me to spend more time with them so I could learn to be more like them. I know she meant well with this advice but what it communicated to me was I had some sort of personality defect. If I could learn to be more like someone else I'd be okay but if I continued being me I'd never rid myself of this defect. Unfortunately for me, personality isn't really something that's learned. We can learn self control, stepping out of our comfort zones, we grow into maturity, but personality is just a part of who we are. And my personality was broken.

A couple years after this bad advice I was finally starting to be more comfortable with who I was. I still felt a little defective because I'd so often been told I was, or at least I'd interpreted it from things I was told, but I was getting better at making friends. I was less anxious in social settings. Basically, I thought I was maybe getting better (fixed, healed). I met a new friend at this time. She told me that she'd had other shy, quiet friends in her life but she'd always been able to draw them out and she was sure she's be able to do the same for me. We spent a couple weeks getting to know each other. I thought we were becoming good friends but after a couple weeks she stopped talking to me. I was missing my new friend so I decided to ask her what was up. She told me she thought she'd be able to make me more like her but it clearly wasn't working (I am me after all), I was too much work and wasn't worth her time. She sounded very casual when she said it; it wasn't like we were fighting, more a statement that I, her new project, didn't work and she was done. I was devastated, not only had I lost a new friend but I learned my defect hadn't been cured at all. In fairness to this girl we actually did become pretty good friends later on, and I honestly don't think she remembers having said this to me.

Throughout my early adulthood (and as a high school kid) I had been passed up for leadership opportunities because I "just don't have the personality for it", ignored by peers because I'm "too much work" (though not all my peers have been like this), and sometimes talked down to as though my quiet demeanor were a sign of stupidity. Fast forward a few more years...

A couple years after the encounter with my friend I moved. I was in a new location with a different job. If people thought I was quiet before, imagine the most shy person you've ever met moving to a place where she knows absolutely no one. Yeah, that was me. This time, however, I was working under the absolute best leaders I have ever known. They helped me get over my fear social settings. They were eager to listen to my ideas, gave me opportunities to act as a leader. They were very encouraging and supportive. Together we led a five month long program. They never told me I couldn't do it; they constantly told me I was capable. They didn't step in to help unless I asked for help. They wanted me to have the opportunity to do as much as I was able.

At the end of the five month program we were undergoing some leadership training together. Part of the training involved us taking the Myers-Briggs Type Indicator. This "personality" test is designed to measure several aspects of a person's temperament. While their is no "right" or "wrong" temperament the knowledge and understanding of the different types can help people relate to each other a little better.

Having worked so hard to be a good leader during my first real opportunity to do so I was hoping the test would finally tell me I had become an extrovert. I'd done really well on socialization and was no longer allowing fear to control my every move. I was devastated when the test revealed me to be a very strong introvert. I was so upset I began crying. People were asking me what was wrong and I was afraid to answer them so I sat in silence for a few minutes until one of the amazing leaders I mentioned (Kim) suggested the two of us go to a different room and discuss what I was so upset about. Without me even telling her the problem she asked if I was upset it had labeled me an introvert (we had discussed some of my insecurities in the past). After some comforting and reassurance from her we rejoined the group and she helped me explain why I had been so upset. Then she and Jamie (the other amazing leader) explained what the terms "introvert" and "extrovert" really mean and why I can be just as good a leader and just as strong and confident an individual as an extrovert.

An introvert is not "a quiet person" and extrovert is not "a loud person". An introvert is a person who recharges their energy through time alone; an extrovert is someone who recharges their energy by being around other people. Basically, introverts crave socialization just like extroverts do. We may not go out and party as often and some of us would prefer smaller gatherings of close friends than large groups of strangers at a party but we do still like to socialize. Extroverts need alone time just like introverts do. The alone time may not be as frequent and the chosen "lone activities" may be different but that need to get away exists for extroverts as well. To simplify: my husband is an extrovert; if the two of us are planning to go to a party together on Saturday night I will spend some time by myself on Saturday morning to make sure I've got the energy for all the socialization later. We'll both get ready for the party on Saturday afternoon then when we get home he won't be able to sleep because he got so revved up spending time with his friends. He'll have to get some down time to unwind.

A large part of the problem is we get the word "introversion" mixed up with the words "fear, shy, cold, isolated, and distant" while the latter words are negatives introversion is NOT a synonym. I know in my case when I was told to "stop being so introverted" I ended up living more in fear which created a more shy and timid Shellie, this in turn gave (some) people the impression I was cold, distant and disinterested in friendships. When I have been given the freedom to be me as an introvert I really had a chance for my personality to shine. Since being given this freedom I've become a better version of me; I've stopped trying to be someone else which in turn means I haven't zapped myself of all energy trying to fit in. I've made friends more easily and I don't think I give the impression of being disinterested anymore.

So, what's justice got to do with it? I feel it is a justice issue when anyone is told their personality is wrong. We all deserve the freedom to be who God made us. When that freedom is taken away it creates people who feel isolated and lonely. If we can work harder to understand each other it will be easier to relate to each other. Some of my best friends are extroverts and I would never want them to be anything else. Their personality traits and characteristics are unique to who they are; I can't change them (and wouldn't want to) and they can't change me. Our world becomes a better place when we not only accept but embrace our differences because its only through interaction with people of differing thoughts, perspectives, and personalities that we are truly challenged in our own thoughts and decision making processes. 


This post is just an introduction into the topic of introversion vs. extroversion. I have much more to say and will continue this series later in the week.